Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
