My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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