she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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