my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
