Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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