You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
