C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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