You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
