we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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