Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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