you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
