Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
