I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im holly from the hills drunk
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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