there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
