So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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