she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
