Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
