She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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