new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I deserve this hangover.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
