i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize