I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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