Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
