oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize