I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
