I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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