I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize