I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
