There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
