I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
