were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
