i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
