She's JV to your varsity
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.