the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.