so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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