Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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