sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
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Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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