its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
