How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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