Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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