Define "chronic" masturbator.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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