Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
