never play flip cup with pint glasses
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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