I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
