Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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