Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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