just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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