there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
