so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
did i walk over a car last night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
