How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
