I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So. Much. Porn.
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