I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
