Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
