Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
