just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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