you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
