you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
