u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
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If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
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I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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