just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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