We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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