WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
