he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
