Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
