I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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