I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
