Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
